you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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