having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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