just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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