The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
