My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
