When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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