All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
