all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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