Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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