Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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