Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
