bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My bed smells like the plague
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
