I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
