she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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