tonight lets celebrate not being married
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
