so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
