just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
