You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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