quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
