my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
