he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
