On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
