you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
