I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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