You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
