I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
