you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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