theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
