Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
