when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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