Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
