my vag is so smooth its legendary
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
