Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
