OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
