You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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