He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
