I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
