last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
