We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
