I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
