6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
