These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
