I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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