I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
