That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
