I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
