can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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