He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
