Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
