I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
