census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
