She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
