called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
