Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
