eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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