I want to make a zoo with you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
