I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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